Ode to Sabotage…

About 3 weeks ago, I hit a milestone with my weight loss. I reached “onederland” as we call it on the Weight Watchers boards. Under 200 pounds. Amazing. Until the last week or so that is. I really don’t know why… could it be the snow, cold, wind… or just me trying to sabotage myself.

I know that the weather can have an effect on our “psyche” but I really didn’t think that it would affect my mindset so much so that I was all of a sudden “craving” chocolate and then potato chips. Yeah… every woman has cravings at some point or another. But I have learned over the last 2 years how to control them. I have learned that I can have a “taste” of something and it will satisfy what I need. But this time was different. I just ate. I hated myself afterward for it.

Regarding the evil potato chips… if you EVER see me at the store, at home, at work, in a restaurant, CALL ME ON IT. Potato chips to me are evil. I (most of the time) can handle chocolate, french fries, and other “junk” but for some reason my downfall is the salt and wonderfully evil taste of the “Ruffles” and “Lays” potato chips.

I have to be smarter when I shop & cook. I think that I am going to haul out a cookbook this weekend and make something new, that I would not have made before. Something with vegetables that I don’t normally eat, something that I will hopefully love and want to eat lots and lots more of.

Getting back to my point. Why would I want to sabotage myself? Could it be the safety of being overweight? Or more possibly the fear of trying to find out who I really am? Upon first thought tonight, I think it is the latter. I have changed so much about myself that I am wondering if I even know who I am now.

I want to know who I am, but at the same point I am a creature of habit. If I keep doing the same things, living in the same place, going to the same things, I will not grow and become who I am meant to be. I will be the same person I have always been.

So here’s my final thought for the night… just how much do I have to change? I guess that’s another blog for another time.