I *hate* today…

Ok… I guess it’s a double blog day… happy april one.

Since I’m all about sharing lately, I thought I would share with you all why I *hate* (and I don’t use that word lightly in this case) April Fool’s Day. Yes, I truly **HATE** this day in general – and today is no different. I really should turn this into “Julie’s Dark Day” (similar to Luke’s Dark Day on the show “Gilmore Girls”) where I disappear from civilization and don’t communicate with anyone about anything. However, that’s not at all productive… so therefore I went to work, got a lot of crap done, went to get some much needed groceries, and came home. And now I’m blogging. Next I’m taking some sort of concoction of drugs and will be sleeping through the night.

Here’s why today is not my favorite day…

April First signifies a somewhat “happy” day for me… it’s 1/2 way to my birthday for the year. Yay… or, just another reminder that I’m closer to another year older – and not seemingly any closer to goals or aspirations that I want to have for myself (besides in my weight loss journey). Not to mention, no closer to having a significant other to celebrate with either. (More on that to come…)

April One also reminds me of the day 16 years ago that my grandpa (my mom’s dad) was in a horrible car accident… which changed his & my grandma’s lives forever. Of course the ripple effects of this also changed the lives of our entire family as a whole as well. Not only was he in some kind of hospital/care facility for a month, but his care needs after that changed drastically. He passed away a few years ago and I am grateful for the extra years that we were able to spend with him (even though they were drastically different from the years before the accident.) Even though he didn’t pass away on this date… he wasn’t the same grandpa that I knew before. Part of me thinks that this is actually the day I started my grieving for the loss in my life.

The first of April is also the day that my other grandfather (dad’s father) died – 11 years ago today. After learning that he passed away in the late afternoon, I proceeded to go to class (I still wish that I hadn’t). After class, on my way home, I drove around the Holland/Zeeland Area, past all of the places I knew that he lived. I guess it was my way of saying goodbye. And it was raining. Funny how you remember those little details…

Along with this post from last Monday, when I was thinking about my grandmother, I still wonder what each of them would think of what I have accomplished with my weight loss. I wonder what they would say. If I would be able to see the proud look in their eyes. I know everyone in my family is proud of me for the achievements that I have done… but I still wonder with these grandparents because the last memories I have with them is when I was VERY overweight. When I was very unhealthy. And I knew it. But I didn’t change anything.

Anyway…

Not only having all of that going through my head on this day – but add to it that I had been looking forward to going on a date tonight with a seemingly nice guy for about a week now. However, first he canceled on me for Monday (due to work related reasons…) then last night he sent me another e-mail saying that he’s losing his job at the end of the week and is preparing to move back to his hometown. Ok. I feel for him with the losing the job stuff – if it’s true – but I really feel like he was just stringing me along for the hell of it. So because of this craptastic dude, I’m in a mood about guys in general today… and because of this, I’ll probably overlook “the one” if he passes my way. Hopefully God knows better than to do this… that would be a cruel joke.

I hope you all had a better “April Fool’s Day” than I did.