I don’t know if I am quite ready for this post… but I decided to try it anyway.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the relationships that I’ve had over the years. Many of the friendships I had over the past years I let slip away. Either from a total lack of communication (which I am working on being much better with) or from people moving away… and once again the lack of communication. Part of me wonders if this is really a communication thing… or if it was me hiding from everyone because I didn’t like who I was.

Back when I was the “old” me, I wonder if I purposefully made friendships to people whom I knew would be leaving me. Although at the time, I guess I didn’t realize that they would be leaving me – especially those that moved away. But still, I never really wanted to invest in people as much as I do now. I think about the walls I had put up… the things that I had done to keep real people away… but yet invested so much time into other people – like television characters.

*Please don’t judge me for this*

I used to pretend that I was friends with the characters on my favorite shows. I think it was my only way of ever feeling liked or popular. Because the only way that I would ever be a part of one of these shows was to have less weight on my body. I never once considered that I was strange for not really wanting a social life… or thinking that the small bit of a social life that I had was enough for a 20-something. I craved attention. I craved being wanted. I craved a sense of belonging.

But since losing the weight, I see myself differently. I don’t really know if others do – especially guys – but I like who I am. I like who I’ve become and what I stand for. I enjoy doing the things I do. But yet I feel like I am missing something… and I’m not sure what it is. I have some friendships I truly treasure – but many of these are with people who live out of state. I love my friends that are here and local – but once again, I wonder if some of these are “lifetime” friendships or if they enter my life for a “reason” or “season”.

Lately I’ve been praying that God will show me a sense of belonging as far as my friendships… that I can connect with other Christians in my community and be able to let go of the friendships that are not healthy for me. This is hard. Especially when it’s people that you are very close to. People that you cherish – but still know (and having it made clear) that it’s not healthy for you.

I don’t know if any of this really made sense to anyone else… but it cleared my mind a bit.

Below is a poem that was shared with me a few months back… I read it every so often to remind myself that not all people that enter my life are there forever. This has been true… especially lately… of the guy situation. Anyway… another post for another time.

Reason, Season and Lifetime
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.