I posted a poem earlier this year about people coming into our lives for a reason, a season and a lifetime. Over the last few days I have really been thinking about this in my own life. I have been thinking about the friendships and relationships that I have had and what I have learned from each of them. I’m not going to go into specific detail about anyone, but I found that writing it down for my own eyes was helpful.
Through the years I have found that I have always kept a very tight rein on my friendships. I guard myself. I put up walls. I do this because of some things that happened during my high school years. I won’t go into a lot of detail here – but I was hurt a couple of times… once at a youth group event during my freshman year… and once during my senior year of high school. Until the past couple of years, I really haven’t talked about these events. And due to this, I still find myself aching for acceptance amongst my peers.
Even as I was losing the weight, my friendships changed. I relied on people in the same situation as myself. I trusted them for support and encouragement (and even a little kick in the butt once in a while.) I have valued their friendships so much, but while wanting to continue to support each of them in their journeys, at the same time I need to discover more about me and who I am outside of the “weight loss” world.
Recently, I found myself looking for friendships with people I could spend time with – in person. I think this is something that I have wanted for a while, but I know that I need it now more than ever. I really believe I misinterpreted this need as a desire for a relationship with a guy. Which is why I had been looking so hard for something in that realm recently. Ultimately, I think true friendship is what God was showing me that I need (and what HE desires for my life.)
Ok… but don’t get me wrong… I would like to have a significant other in my life sometime soon. I just am not so sure that it’s in the cards for me right now. And after what God has shown me though all of this, I really am ok with it. Time will tell and it will happen.
Ultimately, I need to rely on God to provide the lifelong friendships that I desire. I need to be friends with people who understand me and desire to grow closer to the One that made each of us. I need to friends who carry the same morals and beliefs as myself so that I am not tempted to do things that I am not ready for. Because in the end, not only do I want good lasting friendships, but also a relationship built on that same foundation.
Am I really praying for friends that can build me up and help me grow in my faith?