Happy Big Papa Day!

Ok… I know this is a day late… but I just had to post it.

So in honor of my Big Papa, I asked him to write (aka VENT) about anything he wanted to. When he sent it to me a few weeks ago, he didn’t think I’d want to post it. So here it is… I hope you all enjoy!

This blog is about our fine feathered friends. Our little buddies with the feathers. Now I have nothing against birds but I think it’s time they start fending for themselves.

We have these things by our house that most people call bird feeders. Not me, I call them weed seeders. Have you ever looked under a weed seeder (bird feeder)? Weeds, weeds, weeds, lots of weeds. Why do the birds have to be so fussy in the first place? In-between all those weeds are seeds that have not germinated yet. If the birds would just pick at the seeds they want to eat there would not be a problem. But no, they have to throw all the other seeds they don’t like on the ground. Yup, you guessed it… they grow into weeds.

Right now as I look out the window, there is a robin pulling a worm out of the ground and fertilizing my grass at the same time. That’s the way it is suppose to be. We have created a society of birds looking for hand outs. It’s like they’re sitting & waiting for food stamps. What’s next, Social Security and Medicare?? What about Crop Insurance or will they want assistance with their migration?? Who knows there may be government grants in place for that also.

I don’t have a problem with all birds. Eagles, Hawks, Falcons, Ospreys, Buzzards, Vultures, Owls… even Bats have many good qualities… you don’t see these birds looking for hand outs. They’re out there working for their own food. If Sparrows and Chickadees started cleaning up road kill, robins would swoop down to snatch up a field mouse or a small bunny rabbit for a noon time snack, or maybe even if Blue Jay’s or Cardinal’s would fly around picking bugs out of the air they too could be a productive part of the bird world.

Another bad part about the bird feeders is that they are always close to the house. After all, you want to be able to see the birds right? That’s all well and good… but when they leave the feeder and fly over the deck they make a deposit. Yea that’s right… that nice clean deck I just spent 6 hours power washing, the deck furniture all clean and in place because we’re waiting for my mother-in-law and the kids to come over for hamburgers, potato salad and baked beans. When four of our fine feathered friends leave the feeder fly over the deck area, they poop over everything. Ya gotta love it.

My dear wife wanted a new bird feeder recently. Not just any bird feeder but a squirrel proof feeder. Did you know when a squirrel wants bird seed, it’s faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look up in the tree… it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s “SuperSquirrel”. My wife got a very nice feeder. It’s one with the springs on it, so when a squirrel is on it, it closes off the seed areas. This works very well since all our squirrels are fat from eating all our bird seed.

So much for fun, squirrels can be a real pain in the gluteus maximus. We have this one feeder that squirrels would jump to from the near by tree and promptly empty, I keep moving the feeder farther away from the tree but our squirrels hold the world record in the long jump. Our neighbor has one of these merry go round for squirrels. One day I was watching this squirrel he climbed the tree and jumped onto the merry go round. I thought hey this is fun, first he was hanging on with his two front paws then just one front paw he looked a me held up the back of his other paw and stuck his little middle finger up at me. Nasty little guy. I would like to get one of these merry go rounds but instead of powering it with 2 D-cell batteries I’d like to hook up 2 – 12 volt car batteries. Have that baby spin at about 500 RPM’s watch those squirrels fly into the next township. That would be nasty… but a lot of fun to watch.

Thanks Big Papa for your contribution… I think I know where I got my love ranting about random things from.