A struggle…

I’m struggling with the weight watcher’s program once again. This should not be news since I blogged about it on Sunday… but I am still not back on track yet.

Don’t get me wrong… I *WANT* to be back on track… I *WANT* to be back into my mode of healthy living and making the right choices… I am just getting deterred at every corner.

Like I said, I am making the choices. The choice to buy salty foods even though I know that they are a trigger for me to eat everything in sight. The choice to bring cookies to bible study even though I knew the leftovers would go home with me (however, on the plus side of my choices – I have brought them to work and am letting the boys eat them here!) The choice not to workout in the morning, but rather sleep in and stay warm in my cozy bed.

I really have no one to blame but myself — and I’m trying to rely on the Weight Watcher’s people around me to get back up and get motivated. I’m planning on going to my meeting tonight and (hopefully) getting the plan back in action.

I have also been struggling with some things recently that I really need to work through… I’m just not sure how to do it all yet.

~ Dealing with friendships lost and not having a connection to people that chose not to be friends with me. I am not sure what I did wrong (if anything), but I know that based on things that I’ve heard since, that there are lies going around about me — and that I was told lies from at least one (if not more) of them.

~ Dealing with a work situation that I am unsure of the future path. The job overall is good, however I am not sure what and where God wants me and am feeling all too out of place. Not to mention that I feel *alone* in the workplace as well. (There are 5 guys & 1 other woman that work here… but the guys all have their “man jokes” and us ladies are on different floors…thus the “aloneness”.)

~ Dealing with changes in my family… while all are good and I am VERY excited about them — I feel like I am left behind. I feel like I am missing out on things and that I am a failure as far as being able to “meet” Mr. Right, especially since there aren’t any Mr. Wrong’s asking me out either.

~ Dealing with trying to get on top of my finances again. I am ashamed (especially in the career path that I am currently in) to admit that I have become a little wreckless with my credit cards in the past 12 months — and while things are slowly getting better, I need to refresh myself on the Dave Ramsey principles and live on the budgets once again until all of this is back in line.

~ Dealing with (still) trying to figure out who I am… and what I am to do. I have spent a while in the past 2 days reading “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge. I’m also pursuing some other things that are going to be a bit more defining for me — and to be honest, I’m really excited about where that might lead me.

So there you have it… a look at my life, bearing all today and trying to get back to where I need to be before the holidays are upon us. I know that I have all of the tools, I just have to choose to use them — to choose to be the strong, confident woman that God has created me to be.