Crush…

I’m not talking about the Orange soda today (although, it does bring back memories of grandma’s house and drinking soda from cans that were well past when they should have been used…) but rather whether or not it is ok for me to *HAVE* a crush on a guy.

Yup, it’s true… and no, I’m not saying who it is… or whether anyone I know has any regular contact with this particular interest. Just saying that he’s out there. And wondering if I should get the guts up to do something about it.

I’ve only really “taken a chance” once — and it really did end up being a good experience (although in hindsight, not very many wise decisions were made on my part that day)… and while I have no contact with that guy any longer, I learned a few things about myself.

I learned that I am courageous, but still want to be “swept off my feet”. I learned that I am strong, but yet can be disppointed even when I don’t expect to be. I learned that I can have fun with something/someone without it really going anywhere, but also know that I don’t want that for my life.

I know God has a plan for my life and my relationships. And everyone tells me that I will know it when I meet the guy I’m supposed to be with. But I’ve only heard of one situation that “MR. RIGHT” actually showed up on someone’s front porch. True story. It actually happened to a very good friend of mine. But I don’t think it’s going to work that way for me… which means that something must be done. Action must be taken.

So here I am… been thinking about this post for a couple of days now… wondering if I will once again have the guts to act on this crush. Wondering if I do act on it and talk to him, how responsive he will be. And for that matter… especially not knowing for sure if he is dating someone currently. Yeah, that wouldn’t be embarrassing AT.ALL.

I sit, ponder, wait and wonder… and pray about it — because that’s the only thing really keeping my sanity about the whole thing.

…and yes, I’ve also been told that if I forget about everything to do with relationships (i.e. focus on something else in life), that’s when it’s going to happen. Hmmm… so much to ponder, so much to think about…