Strange thing happened this morning. I saw a quote by Kurt Cobain that really struck me.
This quote is really good. But I really can’t get over that it was from Cobain. It seems so ironic that he said it. I will not deny that he was a very talented man & performer… I even have some of the Nirvana collection on my iPod. But he was also a very troubled person, leading eventually to his untimely death 15 years ago. His band skyrocketed to the national music scene only 3-4 years before this… and I can only imagine the changes that he went through, not only in his lifestyle, but in trying to find a new mindset in all of it.
I guess the reason that it struck me so strongly this morning is because I have been wanting my life to be different than what (obviously) God’s plan is for me. The strange thing though for me lately is that I now want so many different things out of my life — to see and experience different things around the world, but yet have a sudden and very strong desire to have a family and a life that I have never imagined myself having before this.
This is leading me to say that I am conflicted right now. Or maybe I am still just fighting with God on what *I* want versus what *HE* wants for my life. I am confused because I feel like I am missing out on something that is right in front of me, but I can’t seem to get a grasp on it. I am tired because my mind keeps racing about the “what could have beens” of my youth… the days that I was grossly overweight and scared to do anything. I am nervous because I want to see God move in my life, but don’t know how this is going to happen or where it will lead.
As a friend reminded me on my facebook page this morning… “If you don’t get out of the boat, you won’t walk on the water. Trust Him.”
I just wish I knew what side of the boat I was getting out on right now…