This blog post may just be that. Or something I will want to forget that I can’t. I don’t know. But right now all I want to do is write. Write away the emotions that I’m feeling. I’m going to warn you – this isn’t all sunshine and happiness. Sometimes I feel like crap. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I’m just so confused about things that all I can do is wonder what my purpose is at the moment. This is one of those times.
All of my life I have always felt like I was the odd “man” out. The one that looks in from the outside where I see what is happening but I don’t get to participate because I’m a girl, I’m not the brother, I’m out of shape, I’m not cool enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m inapproachable, whatever. There’s a million reasons. There’s a million excuses.
Poor communication *really* hurt me this past weekend. I’m feeling like I’m forgettable enough to be potentially left out of something important that will be happening soon. I’m feeling like I am the one that doesn’t matter. I’m feeling like the invisible one that is like the wallflower at the prom. I’m feeling like no matter what I do or where I go – that unless I do something “newsworthy” – I’m not worth being around or talking to.
I’m sad to say that I still deal with issues in the worst way… by eating. That doesn’t help because I just feel worse about myself… and then it begins a cycle saying that I will forever be that “forgettable” wallflower that will be left out of the fun activities.
Do you ever feel forgettable? How do you deal with things that upset you?