My Confessions…

This week for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop I am bearing all again. I really don’t like doing this more than once a week. Actually I guess some would say that I’m bearing my soul quite a bit here lately… with the exception of my Twitter Thought Tuesdays. 🙂

Mama's Losin' It

2.) What are your confessions? (inspired by Usher)

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I’m going to therapy…
I’ve been trying to work through some things in my life – and it’s been reflected here quite a bit. Some of you can identify with me… and some of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking what in the world is she talking like this again?!? I understand… I hate being so negative – or maybe it’s more introspective – about things in my life all the time. It might continue for a while. But know that I’m healing.

I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned by everyone…
This fear is something I’ll probably write more about in the future… but it’s been something I’ve thought about a lot in the last couple days. I had an experience in high school that has {kind of / more or less / really} shaped who I am and what I believe about myself. And it all has to do with friends that left me high and dry in high school. People that wanted nothing to do with me anymore. And it still hurts.

I only write well when I’m tired…
I truly believe that I was meant to live a nocturnal life sometimes. I write some of my best blog posts at 2 or 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep. Or at 10am after I feel like I’ve been up all night.

I’ve gained some of the weight back…
I hate admitting this one. I still tell people that I’ve lost 160 pounds. But it’s not that anymore. Not near that. And I’ve really got to figure out how to get back on track with this eating right thing. Because right now, with what I’m doing, I’m never going to be back at goal again. Which leads me to…

I’m not proud of me…
So often I have people tell me how proud that they are of me for losing the weight… losing 160 pounds in a healthy way with Weight Watchers. But I’m not proud of me. I think it’s because I’m seeing my faults – and only my faults.

My worst fear is fire…
I have no idea why – outside of the fire drills in class or maybe smoke detectors going off at home when mom or dad was cooking – but I’ve always been afraid of fire. Afraid that it’s going to consume me. Afraid that I’m not going to get out. Just afraid.

I’m afraid that the windshield of my car will crack {or even more un-realistically, blow up or shatter} when I go through the dryer section of a car wash…
Seriously, maybe I should vlog myself going through a car wash sometime. You all would highly enjoy seeing me putting my face in my hands as to avoid any potential flying glass that may result from the pressure that comes from the dryers in those places. This also could explain why my car is *SO* dirty all the time.

So those are my confessions… what are yours???