As I’m starting to post and think through things for my blog, I realize how much goes through my head and I have stopped myself from sharing in the past… whether it’s about health related stuff, personal stuff, my worldview changing, or just random thoughts in my head… for fear that I will offend or piss people off.
So I’m going to do my best in not thinking about that for the next 40 days and beyond. Because writing is cathartic to me and helps me work through the things that are holding me back in my life. The great thing about this is that it is my space and anyone can choose to read or not read. I’m ok with that. Maybe that is a revelation that I’m having as I approach this “milestone” of an age… that I don’t care as much about what people think of me and that I don’t want to conform to fit their ideal of me.
I don’t want to worry anyone who reads this. Or make anyone think that I am going to do something crazy. Sometimes I’m in a good mood when I’m writing, but more often than not… I am working through an issue that is in my head that needs to be spelled out for me.
There’s a think about not having the answers to life. I look around at everyone around me and feel like they have the answers. That they know where things are going. The paths are clearer for them than for me.
For years I’ve been asked what my 5 year plan is. Like I’m supposed to have something planned out. I don’t know what to do with the next 5 minutes, much less the next 5 days, weeks, months… but somehow, when you are looking at goals… that whole 5 year plan thing comes up. And I am lost.
So yeah, what I’m getting at… is I don’t always know what I am going to be posting. But know that I am not purposely saying anything that is meant to offend you. What I am saying here is what I believe. How I see me. How I see my life. And how I see the world.
I can only hope that as you read these things, you will understand a little bit more about who I am.