I need a day…

I need a day where I am able to catch up on life and everything involved in it. Whether it be for work, apartment cleaning and decluttering, seeing and spending time with friends, or just figuring out the jumbled thoughts inside my head. 

I’ve been struggling again lately. 

Part of it is that I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that in just over a month, I’ll be a 40-year-old single woman… that no longer owns a house (or condo, whatev’s), has no prospects for a significant other, no children, and who desperately wants to connect with others and develop more meaningful friendships. 

In addition to all that, I look at my desk and my responsibilities at work and wonder how I got so out of control in the last year. (I know part of the answer to that, but not the whole answer.) I feel like I’m drowning under a list of to do’s that I can’t even begin to name. Projects I said I would have done by the end of the month (2 days away) are still untouched. And each day I try to go in with a game plan to see what can be crossed off… and things come up. It’s no one’s fault, just a bi-product of the fact that I’ve been there for 15 years. 

And I’ve started decluttering and minimizing the things I own at home again… partly because they don’t bring me joy and mostly because the “stuff” is just getting to me. I have too much of it. Things I bought because I “might need it someday” and things (mostly clothes) that are still collecting dust because I haven’t lost the weight yet. The “stuff” keeps reminding me of what was… and I almost think getting rid of it once and for all might help me in the grand scheme of things. But I honestly don’t know if that’s the answer. 

I kind of feel like I’m failing at this life game. Like if somehow God took me from this earth, I’d have nothing to show for what I’ve done. 

So all that to say. I think I need a day off. 

Maybe I’ll give that to myself soon.