Can I be happy or content…

This question began for me a few years ago. I hadn’t been happy or content then. I don’t know if I am happy or content now. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life and not really living. I feel like the world is passing me by for the most part and I’m missing out.

I was once told that the only place I would be truly happy was heaven. That thought has just about killed me. Literally. I want to believe I can happy here on earth. Because what is the point of living here…

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The official 40 days til I turn 40…

If you haven’t followed me through my 30’s either here or on dutchbeingme.com (which everything has been moved here… but I just can’t seem to part with the website or name)… let me recap here.

I started my 30’s in Las Vegas with several friends. At the same time, I found a group online in a Weight Watchers forum that I bonded with as I went through my journey of losing more than 150 pounds. I also started this blog to document my feelings about losing the weight… and so many other topics. I learned about and fell in love…

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a new chapter…

Earlier this year I decided that if I’m going to keep paying for my website, that I’m actually going to start publishing thoughts, feelings, and other ramblings of my life again this year. With 41 days left until I turn 40… I guess this seems like the perfect time.

So stay tuned… in the next 40-ish days, I think you will learn about who I am and what has shaped me. Hopefully I won’t scare too many of you off. 🙂

If you haven’t subscribed to updates, now is the time! Because I actually have things written and scheduled. But please…

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Writing, again…

I never more clearly knew who I was when I wrote on this blog daily. I shared my thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, and realities.

Until one day, when the voices on the outside… the family & friends… told me that I was sharing too much… and I let the fears of too much exposure kill this thing that I had created.

And then this week, I started reading Glennon Doyle Melton’s book “Love Warrior”. I’m only on chapter 7 as I write this, but what she feels and what she says about feeling all of the feelings and…

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Resistant…

A couple of months ago a friend asked me if I had listened to music that he was enjoying. When I had said that I wasn’t, he suggested then that I listen to it. I put it on my list of things to listen to “at some point”… but did not really put a date on it or add it to any active listening list. I didn’t think it was a big deal. A few weeks later, he asked me again if I had listened. I responded “no”… mostly because of the fact that I had forgotten the…

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